Step I: Individual Whole Life Assessment
Because healthy relationships require emotionally healthy people, I start my Relationship Coaching by having each partner complete a Whole Life Assessment, a deeply personal and private, self-examination of the major areas of their life to make sure that any issues that the couple is experiencing aren’t due to any underlying individual issues that one partner may be having. The areas that need to be in-balance; and therefore, require reflection are living as your authentic self, work/life purpose, relationships, spirituality, sexuality, relationship with money, environment, mental health, and physical health. When one of these areas are out-of-balance, you would be surprised how quickly it can wreak havoc on your life.
No one is perfect and all of us are works in progress, so to expect everyone to be completely in-balance is asking for the impossible. What we can do, however, is to make sure all of the fore-mentioned areas of our lives are not so out-of-balance that they hinder us in our relationships & personal growth. To love someone is to support them in living a balanced life, allowing them to reach their potential, live life on their own terms and without regrets, and in turn, we are getting a great partner who will be able to also support us in our own personal growth.
If this sounds a bit the spiritual, it is because romantic relationships are spiritual and are best supported when there is a spiritual connection as well as a personal and sexual connection. Spirituality strengthens intimacy and can mean whatever the couple wants it to mean, but to live without it in a relationship is to deprive the couple of deep harmony and true unconditional love, which can help them stay together during the tough times that often break other couples apart. Partners need to be accountable for always trying to bring the best version of themselves into the relationship no matter how long they have been together.
The whole life assessment that each partner takes serves two purposes. It gives each time to reflect and gain insight as to how their life is really going, allowing them the opportunity to improve areas of their life, and it also gives them valuable information to share with the other, allowing them to best support each other.
Step II: The Relationship Assessment
With the insight that was gained from the Whole Life Assessment, each parter takes the Relationship Assessment, which enables them to objectively look where there relationship currently stands and where they would like it to be in regard to meeting all of their individual needs.
Step III: The Re-Committment Contract
If both partners are interested in rebuilding & strengthening their relationship, they commit to taking part in their share of the solution and then customize rules for keeping their rebuild positive without blame or negativity, enabling them to move forward rather than backward.
Step IV: Rebuilding, Settling Goals, & Always Moving Forward
Based on all the insight gained about themselves & each other, both partners are able to have a voice in the rebuild, which sometimes becomes a complete re-design of their relationship, ensuring that both of their needs get met. Once the couple has agreed upon what they want their new relationship to look like, they then will determine which part of their relationship is in the most need of repair. The couple will set weekly goals and create action steps for which each will be accountable. The primary role of the coach is to keep the couple moving forward, and not allowing them to slip back into old patterns of blame and criticism. Usually, once the couple has reached their most important goals, they are able to continue rebuilding on their own, enlisting the services of the coach on an as-needed basis.
What Makes My Approach Different from Other Coaches
With the use of the Whole Life Assessment & the Relationship Assessment, clients are held accountable for not only their part of the solution in their relationship, but they are also encouraged to set personal goals that they work on individually. Often Relationship Coaching focuses on the relationship as a single unit, but my coaching style places great consideration in the well-being of the partners as individuals. Being human can be challenging at times, and if each parter is held accountable for doing their best to bring the best version of themselves into the rebuilding process, they are more apt in achieving all of their relationship goals and getting the strong, healthy, fun-loving, and passionate relationship they once envisioned.
Note: Many couples in need of more individual healing, start with Individual Coaching and then transition into Relationship Coaching. Each person has to be at a relatively good place within themselves before they can confidently commit to being responsible for their part of the solution in the relationship.