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Did you know that if just one area of your life is out-of-balance, it could drastically affect all of the other areas and eventually make you miserable?
It’s absolutely true! I know because when I neglected one area of my life, it caused an imbalance that brought about many negative chain reactions. These chain reactions created more imbalances, which caused me significant pain and suffering. Eventually, my entire life came to a breaking point or what I like to call, my personal rock bottom.
Fast forwarding in my story, I had been living in Brooklyn, Michigan with whom I thought was the love of my life for about three years and everything was going really well. During the school weeks, my kids were catching up on missed time spent with their dad, and I was in the relationship of a lifetime. Our kids became best friends, making our weekends and holidays together almost picture perfect. For the first time in a long time, I was able to model for my kids what a healthy and loving relationship looked like, and I was beaming ear to ear. I was truly the happiest person on Earth, and my heart was bursting with gratitude!
Due to situations beyond my control, things started to change, and I did everything in my power to hold on as tightly as I could to the life I desperately wanted to keep. As the problems arose, I became more determined to fix everything and everyone. I did all I could to force the situation to work and keep my newly blended family together, but it only made things worse.
As time progressed, so did our problems, and everything was thrown more and more out-of-balance – all because I was living in a place that was contrary to where my soul needed to be at that time.
Looking back now, all I needed to do was to return to Novi to be with my kids full-time and put my relationship on temporary hold. If I would have just done just that one thing, then so much pain and heartache could have been avoided. Talking about seeing the writing on the wall: There it was in bright neon colors flashing before me, Go Back to Novi, but still, I chose to stay, continuing to ignore the vividly obvious signs.
For personal support, I rigorously tended to the spiritual aspect of my life by connecting with nature, journaling for reflection and rationalizing purposes, and meditating. I did these on a regular basis because I believed that staying strong in my spiritually was all I needed to make it through this difficult time.
Boy was I wrong!
Even though my spirituality was strong, it couldn’t compensate for void of positives present in my environment. This one imbalance spread to the other major areas of my life and before I knew it, my life was spinning out of control. Even though I ignored the signs for over three years, it seemed as if out of nowhere, my life changed from the amazing story of a lifetime to the epitome of misery and suffering.
When I say “misery and suffering”, I mean misery and suffering, and it showed up everywhere in my life! Two of my teenage kids were out-of-control, smoking pot & drinking alcohol, my ex-husband was wreaking havoc on the kids with his own personal issues, my relationship was turning to shit before my very eyes, I had no extra money, no place to go, no one to whom I could turn, and worst of all, I could sense that my physical health was declining.
I had given all that I had to others, leaving nothing left for myself. I felt betrayed and was in a state of shock of the amazingly quick descent my life was taking, like a spectacular 747 that just departed beautiful Hawaii, now quickly plummeting straight toward the ground. Not only was I miserable, but I was making everyone around me miserable as well. Sign? Absolutely! But, still I stayed strong in my resolve to stay and fix everything until finally, the Universe did for me what I wasn’t strong enough to do for myself: it literally kicked me out of my life in Brooklyn!
Soon after, I landed at my mom’s house; still a good 45 minutes from Novi, stunned and shocked, just like a disaster victim. While searching for answers to explain how my life went from genuinely amazing to complete shit, I remember stumbling over The Wheel of Life, the basis for my building The Whole Life Assessment for my life- coaching clients. I took the mini-quiz, which revealed the specific areas of my life that were out-of-balance. Once I was able to determine my exact deficiencies, I was able to start rebuilding my life.
The inner wheel, penciled in grey below, is what my wheel looked like in July of 2015. The idea here is that if the major areas of your life are in-balance then your wheel should be able to roll, just like a wheel. Well, my wheel at this time clearly was incapable of moving because everything was thrown so off-balance by my initial unwillingness to change my environment.
The second wheel, outlined in green, is what my wheel looked like just 6 months later in December. My wheel was bumpy, but at least it could move. The difference? The Universe had moved me from my mom’s house, and perfectly placed me with my kids in Novi. I even secured a teaching position at their high school!
Of course, residual shit still continued to hit the fan, like my son going to rehab for a second and third time and my being in conflict with my ex-husband. But, because I was where I was supposed to be, I was able to handle things much better. Once I changed my environment, the other areas of my life began to improve.
The outer wheel is representative of my wheel today, October 11, 2016, and I am happy to report that it almost looks like an actual wheel! Yes, life still continues to throw it’s punches, like my 17-year old son getting arrested in August for driving under the influence of alcohol, but I am actually doing very well! Even though my health really took a hit, I physically feel better than I have in a long time. I truly believe that the Universe tried to get me to let go of things I couldn’t control, and when I didn’t listen to its whispers, or its neon signs, it had no choice but to scream at me.
The lesson I learned was that everyone has their own path they must go down and who am I to say otherwise? So when the shit hits the fan, I now let it hit, and no longer try to control situations. I understand that if I didn’t go through all of my pain and suffering, then I wouldn’t have learned the value of living my life in-balance, and I would not have returned to my positive, energetic, strong, healthy, fun self that I was just four years before. During those years, I had given all of my power away and saw myself as a victim, and my powerlessness kept me stuck in so many ways.
Today I have my power, and I never intend to give it away again. I am grateful for everything that happened because it made me who I am today. Because my life is now in-balance, I am living life on my own terms. I am also a much better mom to my kids than I was when I was trying to hold everything together. I actually had the courage to let my 17- year old son spend a week in a Detroit jail, which was probably the best thing I could have done for him and for myself.
I was done turning myself inside out trying to control situations, so everyone could be happy. I have learned that I can only help my kids to the extent that I have helped myself. Because I am now balanced within myself, my kids are no longer reacting against me or trying to get attention. Even though all of us are works in progress, I can see that we are exactly where we’re supposed to be in our souls’ journeys, and in that, I find peace and personal strength. I also learned the hard way that all suffering comes from resistance and if you trust in uncertainty, magic really can happen.