When to Seek Relationship Coaching

If you are reading this, then you have some concerns about your relationship, making now the perfect time to seek Relationship Coaching. If your concerns are few, then consider coaching as a quick tune-up that could prevent you from having a relationship breakdown later.

Some facts to consider … 

Marriage rates supposedly are on the decline. While it’s an frequently repeated statistic that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, that number has remained unchanged for the past 30 years. Divorce rates also vary with the partners’ level of education, religious beliefs, and many other factors.

But when divorce does happen, it results in difficulties for adults as well as children. For adults, divorce can be one of life’s most stressful life events. The decision to divorce often is met with ambivalence and uncertainty about the future. If children are involved, they may experience negative effects such as denial, feelings of abandonment, anger, blame, guilt, preoccupation with reconciliation, and acting out.

While divorce may be necessary and the healthiest choice for some, others may wish to try to salvage whatever is left of the union. When couples encounter problems or issues, they may wonder when it is appropriate to seek Relationship Coaching.

Here are seven good reasons.

  1. Communication has become negative. Once communication has deteriorated, often it is hard to get it going back in the right direction. Negative communication can include anything that leaves one partner feeling depressed, insecure, disregarded, or wanting to withdraw from the conversation. This can also include the tone of the conversation. It is important to remember that it’s not always what you say, but how you say it. (Negative communication can also include any communication that not only leads to hurt feelings, but emotional or physical abuse, as well as nonverbal communication.)                                                                                                                                                                                             .
  2. When one or both partners consider having an affair, or one partner has had an affair. Recovering from an affair is not impossible, but it takes a lot of work. It takes commitment and a willingness to forgive and move forward. There is no magic formula for recovering from an affair. But if both individuals are committed to the coaching process and are being honest, the relationship may be salvaged. At the very least, it may be determined that it is healthier for both individuals to move on.                                                                                                      .
  3. When the couple seems to be more like roommates than romantic partners. Over time, it is normal for a couple to become preoccupied with things outside the relationship, i.e. work issues, projects, etc.,  but if there is a lack of communication, conversation and intimacy or any other elements the couple feels are important and they feel they just “co-exist,” this may be an indication that something is missing and the relationship is in need of repair.                 .
  1. When the partners do not know how to resolve their differences. This is a perfect time to get a third party involved. If a couple is stuck, a coach may be able to get them moving in the right direction.
  1. When one partner begins to act out on negative feelings. I believe what we feel on the inside shows on the outside. Even if we are able to hide these feelings for a while, they are bound to surface eventually.  Negative feelings such as resentment or disappointment can turn into hurtful, sometimes harmful behaviors.
  1. When the only resolution appears to be separation. When a couple disagrees or argues, a break often is very helpful. However, when a timeout turns into an overnight stay away from home or over time leads to a temporary separation, this may indicate a need for counseling. Spending time away from home does not usually resolve the situation. Instead, it reinforces the thought that time away is helpful, often leading to more absences. When the absent partner returns, the problem is still there, but often avoided because time has passed.
  1. When a couple is staying together for the sake of the children. If a couple feels it is wise to stay together for the sake of the children, it may help to involve an objective third party. Often couples believe that they are doing the right thing when staying together actually is detrimental to the children. On the contrary, if the couple is not able to resolve their issues and move toward a positive, healthy relationship, this may be the best decision for all involved.

In my opinion, children should not be the deciding factor when couples are determining whether to stay together. Children are generally very intuitive and intelligent. No matter how couples may think they are able to fake their happiness, most children are able to tell.

All relationships and marriages are not salvageable. In the process of relationship coaching, some couples may discover it is healthier for them to be apart. However, for those relationships that can be salvaged, and for those couples willing to commit to the process, relationship coaching may be able to remind them why they fell in love and keep them that way.